Blood Drips from Your Eyes a Beatiful Last Goodbye

well i have been on buzznet all day and i found out that the guy i luved,luvz someone else.im so heartbroken cause he said he luvz me and now this it sucks. he was the only guy i could tell anything to and he was the only guy i could tell that i cut myself and he helped me get through it but he was sweet to me when we messaged each other but luv doesnt last forever does it.now im trying to find someone else but its so hard cause he was a really kool guy and i luved him a lot and he luved me but i guess i was wrong now he likes some other grl.my heart is broken and nobody can fix it cause their is nobody like him.now i have nobody that luvz me:=(

well it all started around 2006 fall my old friend hannah had a bday party and it was ma,carolina and this grl named brittany.well carolina had to leave cause she wasnt gonna spent the night so she left. after she left all of us were sitting at the table eating pizza and brittany tells us that carolina said shit behind our backs.carolina said that i had bad style.after the party on monday at skool everyone was blaming carolina but we soon found out that brittany made it all and just used carolinas name in it.well i never spoke to carolina cause i needed space from her. soon i felt bad cause i was acting like a jerk and i called her a said sorry.this weekend i went to her sleepover for her party and she was acting like a brat but i only stayed acuse she had a hott cousin that was all over me i think he was looking at my ass when i bent over cause he got really close to my ass.but well i got home and i was eating dinner with my sister and she wanted to know why i said sorry to carolina.and i told her and then she told me that when me and carolina werent friends carolina said that i was a emo poser.my sister found this out cause she is bffs with carolinas older sister. now im so pist but i cant tell carolina why she called me a poser cause i promised my sister i wouldnt tell.

well i dont even now what i am? i dont know if im emo,goth,preppy,rocker,sk8r??? i dont know and it bugs me.but i think im half everything.I luv to listen to rock 24/7 and i also luv to skateboard too. i luv to discover bands that i really dont listen to on the computer. buzznet is so awesome and fun so many people have stuff i common with me. people at skool know be but i have some friends that are peppy that i really hate they think i like them but i hate them. theres this grl named "true" and boi is she the shit. she told me if i went to her house she wouldnt call me a slut or whore just cause i dont wear make up. but she really like me but she has a panic! swaeter and i dont.shit. i took a pic of her sweater in the back and my friend thought i was taking a pic of her ass. well also true luvz like all the bnads i do and i hope next year i have classes with her. shit i cant wait. i dont have her # but she has mine and she is awesome. and also we have the same saosin tshirt and its weird cause we were them like on the same day as each other. but still i dont know what kind of person i am but i think im a mix cause also i luv to wear band tshirts and tight pants but not really tight pants that you could see that they really dont fit you. also i luv all black converse they are the bomb.

well it all started at skool so much stuff is happening that i cant ell my friendz. i have nobody to talk to so i feel lonely sometimes cause it seems my friendz at skool dont care about me anymore. s one day i thought if i cut myself once that it would release all my pain well it did and my friend caitlin saw my scares and told me why i did it well i had to lie to her and say i wanted to do it for fun. well that lasted till the next day once i did it again this time it felt like i had to do it when i did it last time it released all my pain so i did it again so then i needed help so i talked to rockluver1, and emogirl880990 and they both told me good reasons why i shouldnt cut myself. they had some bad stories about their cuts and it made me wanna kill myself so i took their addvise and well i did it again but i havent done it for about 2 days now but its still in my head. i found a song called "you're not alone" by saosin that talkes about why you need to stay in the world. so i have stopped for now and i hope i dont do it ever cause i still have scares on my arm and i have to hide them from my friendz or they will freak and flip out on me and they wont ever understand cause they never cut themselves. well i talked to rockluver1 and boi he is the only reason im alive i would have killed myself already and if you dont believe then i dont kare rockluver1 kind of liked saved me from all the horror and made me think of the world different and he told me that if i was kidding and boi i dont kid around when im on the computer only in person.so i have not cut myself and still nobody undertstands me at skool but at least skool is gonna be over so i culd be away from all the drama and their is a lot of drama at my skool. so summer will help me talk more to people on buzznet cause most of them have cut themselves like me but i still like most of my friendz.

i really don't understand luv. most guy tell me i'm not gf metiral and stuff like that. and that i think weird and that just because i dress different then other grlz at my skool all the guyz like the freaky preppy grlz that are fake. i just feal lonely at skool beacuse i know that there is no boy out there for me and that i'll never find a kool guy. evryone thinks that i'm not a grl because i don't like the color pink and shop at american eagle but you know what all those guyz can go straight to hell. they could like all the grlz they want but they know they can't get me. but it still bugs me that at my skool everyone doesn't like me but i just hahve to deal with it and lte it go besides its ok if i don't find my luv there i know there someone out there. everyone has someone but i have to watch out and make sure that i find at kool guy and won't do what my x-bf did to me. he went out with me and he first started out a good-good guy but when we dated he changed into a sk8r because he knew i luved them and his friendz said he did that for me. well he broke up with me and after he did he asked out my friend right in front of me and my friend said yes. i say me x-bf and i heard some of his friends say that they paid him to go out with me and he was the first guy i really luved but i didn't watch out and i got hurt.

some preppy girls are just so much drama. my friends think my other friend is using me but they are just jealous i think they are so stupid and preppy.all my friends are full of crap at school exept one and she is kool. besides i really don't need friends because most of the people at my school are stupid and don't mind their own business the only thing i have are my friends on buzznet and music to listen to what i have been doing in my life.